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  • Christmas shopping:

    Since we don't have a humor forum and this time of year this applies. Sometimes in life we laugh because it's funny. Other times in life because it's true.

    Christmas shopping for woman, a man's perspective.


    "Hi, my name is Grand and I'm coming before you this day to confess to a great problem I have. Much like most other men in this world, I utterly fail at shopping for the lady in my life..."

    Is there anything quite in this world, and I mean anything more infuriating, more mentally draining, more challenging and more hated than shopping for a woman?!?!?! So many styles, so many colors (how do they just create new names for colors that already exist? I.E. off white or light gray becomes "natural heather"). This is the time of year we are most vulnerable to making special trips in nifty white jackets while hugging ourselves to the asylum. This is the time of year we contemplate arson as opposed to shopping. This is the time of year we men go slightly insane trying to figure out the subtle clues dropped by the most prized part of our life, our ladies. And this is the time of year all men are utterly clueless and without hope.

    GARRRRRR!!!!!!!! So I figured "easy this year, I'm doing my shopping online and shouldn't have a problem." But I was way in over my head. I don't speak the language, I am not up on the styles, and I'm certainly not a good judge of women's clothing. I feel like I have just taken a mission to Mars and am attempting to identify alien artifacts and what purpose they serve. And I am probably not unlike most males in this regard.

    So we fish for ideas and more often than not, it turns into the MENSA version of Trivial Pursuit as we try to figure out what she likes. "Hey sweetie, that looks nice...bet you might like something like that and look nice in it"

    Followed with "meh..." which immediately translates to "No, not really, you are horrible at picking out your own clothing, much less mine." Okay, got that minor tidbit of womanspeak down. But does it have to be harder than quantum physics to figure out?

    Besides the fact women are utterly complicated and have a language all their own that we simple men do not understand, we now are forced to browse through the women
    Last edited by Grand58742; 11-15-2011, 09:32 PM.
    Experience is a cruel teacher, gives the exam first and then the lesson.

  • #2
    Tooooo right!!!

    The reason why I don't buy clothes for my wife...if she doesn't have anything in mind then she gets cash or a gift card. Thankfully my wife doesn't get bent out of shape about me not trying to find something for her. Right now nice sparkly things that remind her of being a mom are "In" so I do stuff like that...thanks to my Mom who lets me know about these things.

    Hilarious!!
    "It's a trap!!!!" -- Admiral Ackbar

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    • #3
      That reminds me of the time I bought my wife earrings....and packed them with car parts.

      She was more excited about the car parts....but I figure one way or the other, she was going to be happy LOL
      This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave. ~Elmer Davis

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      • #4
        hehe I sent that to my wife. Guess i will have to do some extra hunting this year :)

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        • #5
          Hmmm maybe this year I should just buy her that DPMS LR308 rifle. She's gonna hate whatever I buy so what the heck :)

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          • #6
            I agree totally , but I have made it super easy for me now . I have my wife update a list monthly with things she would like to have and things she 'needs' to have . She go the pc puts it all down , who , what , when , where , what size , what color , what website , what store , what catalog number . Then she prints it all up with color pictures . So whenever I have the 'need' ( doghouse ) I go to the list and whamo , Ive done good . Now I always get other items and try to put some thought into it , but this way I have a fail proof way of making sure at least some items are the correct blah , in the size/color/style .

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            • #7
              Grand, you truly have a way with words.:D

              I never, ever, ever buy the bride clothes. We've both been complaining about our mattress, so Saturday we went shopping for a new one. That's our Christmas present to one another this year.

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              • #8
                After 35 years of marriage, I now get a nice gift card every year!! My husband went through this kind of things for years. I can't tell you how many clothing items are still in the back of my closet, or at Goodwill.

                Then about 10 years ago, I was out of town with friends and saw a piece of jewelry I really really liked. I bought it and THEN called my husband and said "Guess what you bought me for Christmas?" He was so grateful he ask me every year, "What are you buying for me to give you this year?"

                Actually, he now gives me gift cards from a store I've express as 'being a great place to shop.' It works.

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                • #9
                  I got this in an email and think is a GREAT idea.

                  Christmas 2011 -- Birth of a New Tradition

                  As the holidays approach, the giant Asian factories are kicking into high
                  gear to provide Americans with monstrous piles of cheaply produced goods --
                  merchandise that has been produced at the expense of American labor.
                  This year will be different. This year Americans will give the gift of genuine
                  concern for other Americans. There is no longer an excuse that, at gift
                  giving time, nothing can be found that is produced by American hands. Yes
                  there is!

                  It's time to think outside the box. Who says a gift needs to fit in
                  a shirt box, wrapped in Chinese produced wrapping paper?
                  Everyone -- yes EVERYONE gets their hair cut. How about gift certificates
                  from your local American hair salon or barber? Gym membership? It's appropriate for all ages who are thinking about some health improvement.

                  Who wouldn't appreciate getting their car detailed? Small, American owned
                  detail shops and car washes would love to sell you a gift certificate or a
                  book of gift certificates.


                  Are you one of those extravagant givers who think nothing of plonking down
                  the Benjamines on a Chinese made flat-screen? Perhaps that grateful gift
                  receiver would like his driveway sealed, or lawn mowed for the summer, or
                  driveway plowed all winter, or games at the local golf course.

                  There are a bazillion owner-run restaurants -- all offering gift
                  certificates. And, if your intended isn't the fancy eatery sort, what about
                  a half dozen breakfasts at the local breakfast joint. Remember, folks this
                  isn't about big National chains -- this is about supporting your home town
                  Americans with their financial lives on the line to keep their doors open.

                  How many people couldn't use an oil change for their car, truck or
                  motorcycle, done at a shop run by the American working guy?

                  Thinking about a heartfelt gift for mom? Mom would LOVE the services of a
                  local cleaning lady for a day.

                  My computer could use a tune-up, and I KNOW I can find some young guy who is
                  struggling to get his repair business up and running.

                  OK, you were looking for something more personal. Local crafts people spin
                  their own wool and knit them into scarves. They make jewelry, and pottery
                  and beautiful wooden boxes.

                  Plan your holiday outings at local, owner operated restaurants and leave
                  your server a nice tip. And, how about going out to see a play or ballet at
                  your hometown theatre.

                  Musicians need love too, so find a venue showcasing local bands.

                  Honestly, people, do you REALLY need to buy another ten thousand Chinese
                  lights for the house? When you buy a five dollar string of light, about
                  fifty cents stays in the community. If you have those kinds of bucks to
                  burn, leave the mailman, trash guy or babysitter a nice BIG tip.

                  You see, Christmas is no longer about draining American pockets so that
                  China can build another glittering city. Christmas is now about caring about
                  US, encouraging American small businesses to keep plugging away to follow
                  their dreams. And, when we care about other Americans, we care about our
                  communities, and the benefits come back to us in ways we couldn't imagine.


                  THIS is the new American Christmas tradition.
                  Forward this to everyone on your mailing list !!! -- post it to discussion
                  groups -- throw up a post on Craigslist in the Rants and Raves section in
                  your city -- send it to the editor of your local paper and radio stations,
                  and TV news departments. This is a revolution of caring about each other,
                  and isn't that what Christmas is about?

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                  • #10
                    Grand, I am the most easy-going guy you've ever met. I don't get angry. I have been known to tolerate a level of b.s. that would have others mowing down people in the nearest mall. There are a couple of things that annoy me, but nothing that really gets the blood boiling. Well, nothing but one. That's when I was married and went shopping with the ex. I could do it for about fifteen minutes, then reached a point when I wanted to see piles of burned and charred bodies. I would have gleefully strangled a kitten, just to watch its eyes pop out. I'm talking rampage here. She could spend 45 minutes haggling over .25. Then, she would have to see EVERY SINGLE SIMILAR ITEM in EVERY SINGLE STORE IN THE ENTIRE MALL before she would make a buying decision. As the kids grew, they learned to hate shopping with her too. It wasn't pretty.

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                    • #11
                      Hint - If your wife has a sister, particularly if they are close, ask for help!

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