"From the executive producer of 2012" (we won't hold that against him) comes the movie
"Apocalypse."
You can find this gem at Walmart right now. A big change from normally having to search high and low, Ebay and through old VHS at closing video stores to find a post apoc movie.
I believe the film was originally German. Their is some German text at the beginning of it and it appears to have voice overs. They aren't old karate movie bad voice overs, but you can tell.
The premise is some sort of solar sun spot deal that causes a massive ecological disaster, civil unrest, famine, etc. Not sure when but this is set some time later.
It starts off with Gunther, Inga and Eva. Actually I don't remember their names and it doesn't really matter.... They are traveling in Gunther's car trying to get somewhere..... a common theme in these sorts of movies- the S has HTF all over the place, but somewhere ELSE has to be better. Grass is greener on the other side of the razor wire and mines type of deal....
So Gunther is just about useless, Inga has a bit of ingeniunity and Eva is just the kid sister of Inga who wants to screw around in the car like the world hasn't ended. "Like OMG I totally need to get on Facebook and tell Frau Farbestner about those cannibels that liked tried to eat us!" OK so not that bad... but not far from that.
As usual in these sorts of movies, Eva (kid sister) is shielded from a lot of the work, a lot of the REALITY of life now. It's the typical "kids are helpless" mindset society has methinks. I think it's time for a crash course in survival for Eva, but no, she's shielded and left in a situation where she's captured while Inga is helping Gunther up after he slipped on a banana peel and broke his neck again...
So they meet Hans, who has more ahhh guts than Gunther. Hans is like "hey we can get the girl back while these bad guys are chasing their next meal (cannibals). Let's make a molotov, fry us some cannibal murdering German looters and rescue little miss Queen of Facebook." Gunther is like "I don't know, I abhor violence and this is definitely not the place for violence..." Inga is like "hey let's rescue my sister, she's a mess but Mom will be pissed if I come back without her."
So Gunther says "sure I'm in, count on me." Count on him running the opposite direction. Hans gets captured and now Gunther doesn't have to worry about Hans impressing his post apoc girlfriend...
So Inga sets out on her own to find the girl and bring her back. In the escape Gunther breaks a nail getting into the car as they flee. He's bushed, can't find epoxy to fix it anywhere and goes into a deep depression because of it. Inga brings Gunther flowers and chocolate but Gunther says he feels bloated and "not pretty". He lashes out at Inga and then two minutes later tells her he loves her and can't live without her. Inga calls him a girl and leaves him....
So Inga is walking along, and finding odd things here and there that indicates shes on the right trail- those chains and gags they might have been used on all those prisoners, hey now we are figuring out Blue's Clues because we are very smart!!! Ba booow!
Inga finds a scraggly old woman who creeps up on her while she is asleep and tells her she won't harm her. Who couldn't believe she wouldn't have Inga's best interest in mind now! Inga says "for real? Your just going to help me out of the goodness of your heart? I'm not going to wake up in a big tub full of carrots and potatoes am I?" Scraggly old woman she just met assures her that no, she really does have Ingas best interest in mind and that she won Copenhagens annual Citizen of the Year award in 1920 so Inga has to trust her.
Scraggles takes Inga to a rustic looking farm, dirty and with no sign of life but with a nice sign over the gate that says "work will make you free." Actually I think it says "Work makes the meat tough."
Inga soon gets to meet Scraggles family, their is Adolf, Eichman, Herman, Rudolf and Fred, that little scrappy one over there is little Ralphy, he's busying decoding that important message from Ovaltine....
Scraggles soon tells Inga how pretty she is and how they don't have "livestock" and how they need their men more than ever now. So Inga you better be happy cause your going to be Fred's wife. Congratulations! Here's a Boston Butt to celebrate! Inga says she doesn't dig on swine. Scraggles tells her that they captured some guy from Boston....
Oh and for a wonderful wedding present- here's your sister Eva. She'll be little Ralphie's wife one day when he gets old enough if he doesn't shoot his eye out!
Inga replies- "oh gee I'm sorry, I just assumed that since I never met you before and that the world went to hell in a handbasket that you would help me no strings attached, you know feed me, give me water, shelter, protection and I could just leave any time I wanted to?"
Scraggles reminds Inga that Inga had in fact agreed to the User Agreement and Updated terms without actually reading the 17 page document. The section about having to marry into the Scraggles family and eat human flesh was on page 15 section 8 paragraph C.
Inga says "well oh golly, you got me. But you all should stop this, your going to make people paranoid and not want to help each other and you know build a community and all."
Scraggles replies that they do in fact have a "community" here because of the fact that they do in fact sing Kumbaya nightly. Scraggles tells Inga that she shouldn't be so close minded and "intolerant" that some communities eat flesh and force marriages and some don't, so lay off the HaterAide."
Inga settles in to her new life and her marriage with Rudolf. She develops a taste for the meat on human toes and two years later as she is carrying her third child, eats a whooping record of 10 toes at one setting.
Actually the girls and Hans escape in a well planned.... ahhh well because Scraggles are sleeping or something.
If this movie taught me anything, it's that you can expect people to want to help you in the PAW without any strings attached. To that end, I see no further point in preparing on my own and will simply seek the charity of others in the PAW. Surely as this movie points out, that is the correct course of action. It sure worked out well for Inga!
"Apocalypse."
You can find this gem at Walmart right now. A big change from normally having to search high and low, Ebay and through old VHS at closing video stores to find a post apoc movie.
I believe the film was originally German. Their is some German text at the beginning of it and it appears to have voice overs. They aren't old karate movie bad voice overs, but you can tell.
The premise is some sort of solar sun spot deal that causes a massive ecological disaster, civil unrest, famine, etc. Not sure when but this is set some time later.
It starts off with Gunther, Inga and Eva. Actually I don't remember their names and it doesn't really matter.... They are traveling in Gunther's car trying to get somewhere..... a common theme in these sorts of movies- the S has HTF all over the place, but somewhere ELSE has to be better. Grass is greener on the other side of the razor wire and mines type of deal....
So Gunther is just about useless, Inga has a bit of ingeniunity and Eva is just the kid sister of Inga who wants to screw around in the car like the world hasn't ended. "Like OMG I totally need to get on Facebook and tell Frau Farbestner about those cannibels that liked tried to eat us!" OK so not that bad... but not far from that.
As usual in these sorts of movies, Eva (kid sister) is shielded from a lot of the work, a lot of the REALITY of life now. It's the typical "kids are helpless" mindset society has methinks. I think it's time for a crash course in survival for Eva, but no, she's shielded and left in a situation where she's captured while Inga is helping Gunther up after he slipped on a banana peel and broke his neck again...
So they meet Hans, who has more ahhh guts than Gunther. Hans is like "hey we can get the girl back while these bad guys are chasing their next meal (cannibals). Let's make a molotov, fry us some cannibal murdering German looters and rescue little miss Queen of Facebook." Gunther is like "I don't know, I abhor violence and this is definitely not the place for violence..." Inga is like "hey let's rescue my sister, she's a mess but Mom will be pissed if I come back without her."
So Gunther says "sure I'm in, count on me." Count on him running the opposite direction. Hans gets captured and now Gunther doesn't have to worry about Hans impressing his post apoc girlfriend...
So Inga sets out on her own to find the girl and bring her back. In the escape Gunther breaks a nail getting into the car as they flee. He's bushed, can't find epoxy to fix it anywhere and goes into a deep depression because of it. Inga brings Gunther flowers and chocolate but Gunther says he feels bloated and "not pretty". He lashes out at Inga and then two minutes later tells her he loves her and can't live without her. Inga calls him a girl and leaves him....
So Inga is walking along, and finding odd things here and there that indicates shes on the right trail- those chains and gags they might have been used on all those prisoners, hey now we are figuring out Blue's Clues because we are very smart!!! Ba booow!
Inga finds a scraggly old woman who creeps up on her while she is asleep and tells her she won't harm her. Who couldn't believe she wouldn't have Inga's best interest in mind now! Inga says "for real? Your just going to help me out of the goodness of your heart? I'm not going to wake up in a big tub full of carrots and potatoes am I?" Scraggly old woman she just met assures her that no, she really does have Ingas best interest in mind and that she won Copenhagens annual Citizen of the Year award in 1920 so Inga has to trust her.
Scraggles takes Inga to a rustic looking farm, dirty and with no sign of life but with a nice sign over the gate that says "work will make you free." Actually I think it says "Work makes the meat tough."
Inga soon gets to meet Scraggles family, their is Adolf, Eichman, Herman, Rudolf and Fred, that little scrappy one over there is little Ralphy, he's busying decoding that important message from Ovaltine....
Scraggles soon tells Inga how pretty she is and how they don't have "livestock" and how they need their men more than ever now. So Inga you better be happy cause your going to be Fred's wife. Congratulations! Here's a Boston Butt to celebrate! Inga says she doesn't dig on swine. Scraggles tells her that they captured some guy from Boston....
Oh and for a wonderful wedding present- here's your sister Eva. She'll be little Ralphie's wife one day when he gets old enough if he doesn't shoot his eye out!
Inga replies- "oh gee I'm sorry, I just assumed that since I never met you before and that the world went to hell in a handbasket that you would help me no strings attached, you know feed me, give me water, shelter, protection and I could just leave any time I wanted to?"
Scraggles reminds Inga that Inga had in fact agreed to the User Agreement and Updated terms without actually reading the 17 page document. The section about having to marry into the Scraggles family and eat human flesh was on page 15 section 8 paragraph C.
Inga says "well oh golly, you got me. But you all should stop this, your going to make people paranoid and not want to help each other and you know build a community and all."
Scraggles replies that they do in fact have a "community" here because of the fact that they do in fact sing Kumbaya nightly. Scraggles tells Inga that she shouldn't be so close minded and "intolerant" that some communities eat flesh and force marriages and some don't, so lay off the HaterAide."
Inga settles in to her new life and her marriage with Rudolf. She develops a taste for the meat on human toes and two years later as she is carrying her third child, eats a whooping record of 10 toes at one setting.
Actually the girls and Hans escape in a well planned.... ahhh well because Scraggles are sleeping or something.
If this movie taught me anything, it's that you can expect people to want to help you in the PAW without any strings attached. To that end, I see no further point in preparing on my own and will simply seek the charity of others in the PAW. Surely as this movie points out, that is the correct course of action. It sure worked out well for Inga!
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