asking for a prayer

[HLorfing]

hey guys...this morning im sitting at work waiting for my relief to show. im asking for some of you to spare the time for prayers for my daughters and i. i have been fighting in the court system for more than ten years and tens of thousands of dollars later to get custody to them. i only ask now...(though i suppose i should of been asking all along) decause im in such a hole that i dont have anymore fight left in me. i have not won a single court battle in ten years. in fact i have even had to more of my rights takin away the more i fought. its just always seemed wrong not to fight. i mean what is more natural than a father to fight for his children? right? but the court has time and time again just brush my girls aside and awarded more rights to the mother. i know what you guys must be thinking...this guy must be a piece of work. but i assure you, i think of myself as a stand up guy. military, fireman, world traveler..and love my girls so much that ...well i suppose you cant put into words the love a father has for his children. and its not that their mother dosent love them...she does and shes not a horrendous mother like some i have met, but she makes the worst decisions for them. eleven year old since sleeps in bed with her, she had to repeat fifth grade. mother refused to take her to summer school or after school for tutoring. refused to let me do it..that kinda stuff. no after school sports or activities.

sorry guys....thanks for letting me rant...i just need something a little more than i can provide..i aint got nothing left. i feel like a used up dish rag. the system is surely seriously messed up. im not sure its smart any more to keep fighting..i mean i could of used 75,000 dollars for retirement or hell a home for them or anything really. im not sure if im asking for a prayer for strength or courage...maybe wisdom will better serve me...and a prayer for me girls for comfort and understanding...so hard to make them understand. thanks guys

[monkeybird]

Hundreds of thousands of men face the same type of situation that you are facing. Seems the court system have gone from one extreme to the other. Back in he 60's and 70's, divorces women had very little resource. If the father did not pay his court ordered child support, or followed other court ordered edicts, there was absolutely nothing the mother could do about it. NOTHING. You could not use SS# to find a deadbeat dad. It was a dreadful situation for all children of divorced parents.

Today the pendulum has swung the other way. In almost all states, the weight of the law always favors the mother. In fact, this is so prevalent that there are organization supporting father's rights. You should search the web to find one.

Another huge problem is called "parental alienation". It's a situation in which one parent tells the child so many bad things about their other parent that the child will grow to hate that parent. This has become a very real and dangerous problem.

The real loser in these situations is the child.

You have my prayers.

[ibetiny]

You have my prayers. As a father I can only imagine the heartbreak you are going through. Just a thought, is the mother ok with money? How about offering her a sum of money to see your daughter? If your going to give it to the lawyers anyway, you might get better results. If not, I say keep fighting. It's a hard one with no clear answer. I will keep you and yours in my thoughts.

[Bull]

Having grown up in a family where my Mom and Dad divorced when I was 6, I can tell you a couple things about "parental alienation" from above. Surely everyone isn't the same, but my experience was that I would really get tired of hearing from my dad, how screwed up my mom was and all these bad things about her. She was still my mom, and she did a lot for me and wasn't bad, except maybe as a wife. I can't be the judge of that. When I was grown up and after I got out of the service, my dad and me had been spending some time together and one night he told me about some specifics, which I didn't know. I understood how he could feel the way he did, but my mom had her side of the story too, so ultimately I just have to accept them for what they are to me and not worry about what went on between them. I think most people will sort of feel that way once they grow up. They will get some life experiences and be able to understand a lot more. The point is, even if you don't get custody, and even if the X does things you disagree with, you can still have a great influence on your kids, and they won't necessarily turn on you or be alienated from you, even if the X wants that. You have quality time with those kids and they see your love and concern for them, and it will take a whole hell of a lot to change their minds about you. So even if you can't get custody, you can be a giant, inspiring part of their lives. Eventually they will be old enough for their opinion to make a difference in court. Even if they have some problems from the situation, like school, and no tutors, I think you are limited in the manner you use to affect the change you want, without that causing problems. However, if you're straight with your kids, and you treat them the way you think you should as far as discipline, teaching your morals and values, and your expectations of their behavior and everything else, then I think they will appreciate it and it will have an affect. Maybe sooner, maybe later, but it won't be in vain. Of coarse they won't agree with everything, but they wouldn't even if you had them, or you were still married. Short of that, maybe trying to talk to your X and approach her differently would help to work out some differences, like getting tutoring or what not. As far as the legalities: I guess you have to try to realistically evaluate your chances at custody, and try to decide if that money, time and effort might do more good for the kids if used in some other ways. Good luck to you. I hope I helped in some way. I will say a prayer for you and your kids.

[HLorfing]

guys thanks...helps me to keep my head up. and in response i will say 1) i do belong to several fathers rights groups. thank you for the thought. 2) i have offered money...a lot of it and a home if she would move closer..but she laughed and turned me down.

i tell you the court is criminal.. i heard my X lawyer bragging to mine how he was able to make me cry on the stand. the judge once ask my lawyer how long this would take..when my lawyer said four hours the judge said make it two, i have to get my bow refinished! ive have lawyers lose my ENTIRE case file. etc etc ya'll wouldnt believe the things these lawyers do. its insane they can do this and get away with it..mostly thank you for your prayers

[eeyore]

I will pray the Lords will for you, you will be on my prayer list for strength and wisdom

[Klayton]

First you are in our prayers...

But this is just another thing that pisses me off every time I hear it. Women want equal rights, as they should, but they ROUTINELY use their gender to get what they want. Court systems favor the mother why? Why do they think "women" are better than men? It just sickens me to the level of favoritism certain people get based on NOTHING other than a specific birth trait. If you want to be equal, BE EQUAL DAMN IT! Psychiatrists have proven that girls would do better with their father raising them than their mothers (likewise boys with their mother). BUT IT DOES NOT STOP THE COURTS.

Then you add the fact the court says OH she cant do it alone, so you the husband, will pay outrageous amount of child support, pay for all medical and dental insurance, and NO YOU CANNOT use them on your tax return, that is the reserved for the mother (who does NOT have to claim child support as income) so she can get Unearned Income Credit (read another free check from the taxpayers). Sorry, let me stop rambling. As you can tell I have an ex, and she RUINED our kids. Thank God for my new wife, and my youngest daugter, who will be raised properly.

[HLorfing]

i could tell you were divorce by the first sentence klayton lol....i hear you..and thank you

[610Alpha]

My prayers are with you. I am sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time getting custody of the kids, most states let them choose where they want to live after a certain age. I got to choose when I was 10 in IL. May be different in your state.

As the step-son of a family law lawyer (she became a lawyer well after my Dad and her married), I can say that she fights just as hard for a father's rights as well as a mother's rights whichever is her client. She has had some real doozy cases, fathers locking themselves in their basement office watching their **** and ignoring their family to drug addict mom doing dope around their kids and driving a car with the kids in it while on drugs. Of course she does get some cases where 2 people are getting divorced and its a fairly civilized proceeding with both parents sharing in the custody of the children.

Try to find the meanest toughest lawyer out there, ask lawyers who they don't want to go up against in a court room and hire that lawyer. Just a suggestion.

[fallout boy]

will be pryaing for you.