Sights, sounds and smells

[Lowdown3]

Sights, sounds and smells of the "pockey'lips?"

Recently had to visit a relation in a nursing home in Florida. The place she was originally at was a state run place while the family "got her in" (their words) to a better place.

So we had to wait and go in one at a time with my uncle.

Just getting through the locked and guarded doors, your senses are immediately assaulted. First off it's the smell. Yep someone or someoneS have crapped themselves. Can no one else smell this? Nurses? Within nanoseconds of the smells hitting you, the sounds of confusion, chaos and conflict overwhelm you. One crazy dude in a wheel barrow looking thing mostly naked is parked at the nurses station, he's singing the whole time. An older black guy is in his room screaming and fighting with a non existent person, I believe his ex wife from the sounds of it- "GD this, I'll F'in kill you, it's killed or be killed MF'er! GD this, GD that...." That part plays the entire time we are "allowed" to be in there.

The nurses station is pandemonium, five or six patients hanging around there- naked dude in wheelbarrow contraption singing, crazy old black lady calling me a preacher, two or three that are smiling at you and want to touch you.

My first thoughts are of One Second After book and the scene where he's in the nursing home after TS has HTF, only TS has NOT HIT THE FAN!!!

Try not to get sucked into it- "dude" swears he knows me, I'm here to get him out of course, old woman that looks dirty wants to touch me, black lady keeps screaming at me and calling me "preacher"- all the while old black dude is fighting with non existent wife, naked man in wheelbarrow thing is singing, poop smell is stronger now and coming from various directions but seems to be concentrated in one direction. We move past the nurses station and towards the room. Yelling/imaginary fighting is getting louder, poop smell much stronger and harder to take. Room we need to go to has crazy black man across hall and roommate of the person we need to see is sleeping but evidently crapping themselves silly while sleeping as the smell is originating from her side of room. Everything is semi dirty, everything is old. Nurses as well as patients have the thousand yard stare.

Why would anyone purposely seek a job like this?

I've had many people bleed all over me, I've bled all over myself, I've suffered a few injuries, I've inflicted a few. I've lived in some nasty places and nasty conditions, I've eaten some nasty stuff, I've done some things I'm not proud of, nor would I discuss with others.

I was not ready for this sort of thing.

[Benn Gleck]

LD, I know EXACTLY of which you speak.

My mother died with Alzheimers and after years of trying to care for her ourselves (my wife and I) I had to put her into a "nice" nursing home.

I had to visit her at this place on a regular basis and experienced everything you mentioned and more.

These places are hellholes and I regret ever putting my Mom in there. It was the worst thing I've done in my life.

The only consolation I have is she only endured there for 4 months.

[rockriver]

folks,
I've visited in facilities as you describe..
I currently have a relative in an assisted living home. (as compared to a nursing home)
my relative can drive and does.
Monday, this week my wife and another friend led music... Christian hymns at the assisted living facility as
for nearly an hour...
this was just after they had an ice cream social...

it is clean... we visit regularly..
they have medical folks on staff.
I've told my bride that this is my pick if I or she ever needs some extra care.
the building is old.. but the inside is clean.

there is an associated nursing home on the same premises as the assisted living home.
I need to visit there now, to make sure that it will be satisfactory should my relative ever need that high level of care.

sorry about what you guys saw...
I've visited similar...

another relative died while in a mental section (memory ward) of another facility... the
and I visited and spent the night there several times...

folks this is part of prepping... check the facilities out now... before you or your relative needs them.
start putting the money up now..
and/or buy an insurance policy that will provide for the care should it be needed...

if you buy it while you are healthy the price is affordable....

if we've met, then you know my general location. if your patients are mobile enough to get themselves to the dining room and could move to this part of the world, give me a private shout if you would like a recommendation.
i'll check out the associated nursing home in the next week or so....

[Patriotic Sheepdog]

I've been in medicine for 40 years and have seen (and smelled) good and bad nursing homes. All will have the dementia, stroke and head injured patients that are calling out, screaming, acting out, whatever....but the difference is the smell and the care that the staff brings.
In today's world we have inexpensive devices that can keep the smells to a minimum. What they don't use them....dunno.
As far as staff, well most just don't want to try and get out of there. Why, I just don't really know. I think some have not made it in other places (hospitals, offices) and just keep it as a job. They dislike their job, and it shows. Cutbacks in payments have meant cutbacks in RNs and LPNs. Many you see running around are the CNAs or just "assistants" that they can pay the bare minimum (and you get the bare minimum of work from them). Many times the staff is overworked and doesn't seem happy, so why do they stay.......they got nothing else.


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[Lowdown3]

I had a feeling these things weren't "isolated incidents."

Couple of the nurses were awesome, their always seems to be one "angel" in the crowd it would seem.

What I noticed as well was that especially with the lockdown deal- I guess for dementia patients- their is this overwhelming feeling of "control" there also that I didn't care for. Couple that with the seemingly lack of care about the poop, etc. UNTIL it's realized that customers/family are there. That's akin to the employees goofing off on company time then straightening up and trying to look busy cause the boss walks in.

[rockriver]

the lockdown.
an associate mentioned above was in "lockdown"

the facility had to do lockdown or the patients would just walk out and their Parkinson's/alzhimers/dementia
would have kept them from knowing how to return...
I was there spending the night... I noticed that there was a gathering in the hall near the door and it had a
conspiracy appearance... my associate was watching tv in the common area and not a part of this group.
I walked up and sat among them...
they knew that I wasn't a patient. they all clammed up and wouldn't talk for a few minutes. they just looked at each other
with this look of "we got caught with our hands in the cookie jar look that 3 year olds might have."
I finally got them to talking and reminding them of prior conversations we'd had earlier in the day, and they began to remember that I was a friend... they looked at each other, smiled and accepted me.
then energetically, with all trying to talk at once told me about their plan to leave... and that I could help because they'd seen me use the keypad to unlock the door. they were leaving and never coming back! their plan was set and all were in agreement.
so I agreed to help them.
we discussed going out the door.
down the hall.
and out a wing of the building that didn't have a lock on the door.
they were getting excited about the plan...
each helped as we put the details together.
I had a car in the parking lot.
but it wouldn't hold all of us.
one of them had a relative from savannah ga. who was coming to get them, and that person would help.
(I'd been hearing about this relative for about a year. I'd probably heard that story 100 times.)
but I agreed the savannah person would be helpful in the plan and the patient was so proud that they were contributing.

it was getting near supper time.
and I asked them real secretive like... " what will we do to get food for supper?"
and their eyes got big. they looked at each other with questioning faces. "yes. what about supper."
as they tried to figure out supper, I then added.
"and what about sweet tea? .... and a big glass of water with ice in it?"
"and who's going to put it on the table for us?"

they got this quizzical look on their faces as they tried to figure it out and I repeated the question.
finally, one lady. sort of a leader. said.
"I think I'm going to stay here for supper."
and there was agreement around the group!

conspiracy resolved...
sad, but still lots of personality in these folks.

save money or buy insurance so that you can provide for yourself and family in the event the need arises.

in our area.
very simple assisted living with very few personal needs provided is around 2500.
memory care unit will be around 5000 per month.
another planning option is to bring in a person(s) to live 24/7 with the individual.

lots of pros and cons to both plans. we used both.

[Rmplstlskn]

I know this is highly controversial, and many think it blasphemous (I could argue my point spiritually, if needed), but I am a full supporter of EUTHANSIA... I think people should have the RIGHT to die with dignity, and I should be free of someone else's religious beliefs about it... We do it for pets and animals. We should be free to decide our own passing when it gets that bad...

I testify here and now, and I tell my wife, if I ever get so out of it or sick that my life quality is that poor as Lowdown3 describes, or my wife or daughter need to go financially broke to care for me where my insurance lacks, than I want someone, somehow, to take me out... If my wife has to buy heroin and shoot me up to overdose me, so be it. Whatever... Prefer to not be messy like a gunshot, where people have to clean up that mess, so something where I just close my eyes and pass on to the next great adventure...

We have many "old people" diseases that are unprecedented now days, like Alzheimer's... I have had many TBI's (traumatic brain injuries) and a very bad motorcycle accident that also gave me a TBI that I still notice the effects of 30 years later, so I am a good candidate for mental sickness as I age, and I refuse to go that route, crapping my pants, babbling, not knowing family, delusional, etc...

I think others should ponder their old age fates as well... Let people know your wishes...

Rmpl

[Benn Gleck]

I know this is highly controversial, and many think it blasphemous (I could argue my point spiritually, if needed), but I am a full supporter of EUTHANSIA... I think people should have the RIGHT to die with dignity, and I should be free of someone else's religious beliefs about it... We do it for pets and animals. We should be free to decide our own passing when it gets that bad...

I testify here and now, and I tell my wife, if I ever get so out of it or sick that my life quality is that poor as Lowdown3 describes, or my wife or daughter need to go financially broke to care for me where my insurance lacks, than I want someone, somehow, to take me out... If my wife has to buy heroin and shoot me up to overdose me, so be it. Whatever... Prefer to not be messy like a gunshot, where people have to clean up that mess, so something where I just close my eyes and pass on to the next great adventure...

We have many "old people" diseases that are unprecedented now days, like Alzheimer's... I have had many TBI's (traumatic brain injuries) and a very bad motorcycle accident that also gave me a TBI that I still notice the effects of 30 years later, so I am a good candidate for mental sickness as I age, and I refuse to go that route, crapping my pants, babbling, not knowing family, delusional, etc...

I think others should ponder their old age fates as well... Let people know your wishes...

Rmpl

I respect your opinion RMPL but with all due respect there's no way I could kill my Mother.

I don't think I'd want to put the burden of killing me on my wife or daughter either.

To each his own but it's easy to have these opinions when you haven't walked a mile in my shoes.

No offense meant.

[justanothergunnut]

I struggle with this issue myself. I know that as a Christian suicide is a no go. when I was 20 I moved back home to help my mother care for my father who was terminal with cancer. We kept him home we didn't put him in a facility because we had that ability. I understand some may not though I personally believe that my mother made The only logical loving choice a wife could . My father wanted to die at home .. my mom made sure his wishes were.met and I went home to do what a son must do. I watched my father languish in pain and erode to nothing more than a shell of his former self. For a young man it is a horrible thing to watch your father go through and if he asked I would have ended his pain By od'ING him on morphine. I think it's easy to say that things are black and white. But when you watch a loved one in pain begging for death it confuses the absolutes ....

[Rmplstlskn]

Sorry to bring this thread to such a downer... The out of it old people home scenario is so sad that it is REAL that I get fired up over it and that once tough, strong people end up in such places is sad beyond words... Again, sorry for the downer...

I just believe that people should be able to decide for themselves how they go out of this world when it gets that bad...

Rmpl

[protus]

Ld ..remember where I used to work. Wanna know how many id run into that worked in assisted living homes as "nurses "...
I hated visiting my grandparents once they went to one...its an assault on the senses.

[rockriver]

folks,
time for some contrarian comments...
rmpl,
I do not understand all the comments about wanting to kill yourself... do you need to go get treatment for a head injury... you work in the medical field or something similar.. Go To the Doctor and get treatment.
and if you want to kill yourself --- do so! I don't think you should, but I don't live around you.
if you think that you will need killing in the future make a plan for it.. prepare for the event...
it sounds like you want to make something official for everyone???
to me, prepare for what you think you will need and just my opinion it is like any other prep, it is probably best that we don't
go tell the world..

everybody else who is talking about how horrible they are.....
I too have been in smelly, loud, unclean facilities,
However,

I have been to and slept in 2 different facilities that were
not loud..
not smelly
no nakedness
pleasant workers (for the most part)
clean
I ate the food
I talked with the workers

guys,
this is like buying a car...
you can get a good one.. or a piece of sheet car...
you choose...

if it has all of these horrible characteristics don't go there.... help your loved one find a clean facility.

if you have to go visit an associate that you love who is at a nasty place, it is your responsibility to get them out!
if you have to go visit an associate that you barely know and it is nasty, that is not in the "loved one" category,
tread lightly. make your own decision whether to tell their associates about the nastiness that aunt Susie is sitting in.

it could easily be that they don't give a sheet about aunt Susie and are hoping Susie will find her demise sooner than later.

let me repeat...
I've slept in 2 facilities... several times at each... all this stuff yall are talking about did not exist at either. one in a prosperous booming area of the state, another 200 miles away in an area that is declining..

here's what I think.
not wanting to offend.. but I feel like someone needs to say it plainly.

folks should plan for their older days..
plan financially.. put away resources for the time that the sheet will hit the fan... (or bed sheets or pajamas)
the memory ward that I'm familiar with cost 5000 a month...
social security won't cover that...

save money or precious metals or whatever you want to in order to provide for that event.

if your loved one is not saving money (or buying insurance) for that time of their life then you do it for them..
but only do so if you really care about them... if you don't care and want them to hurry up and kick the bucket
then don't plan for that time...

to use a term I've seen on here.. "idjits" won't plan for that time.. others will.
it is up to you..
and your family
and your loved ones..

hey, here is a plan option.
don't do nothing... trust in Obama to take care of your loved one.
demand and shout that Obama wipe their rear end, feed them and clean up after them.

your choice...
go on a cruise or buy insurance
buy an extra rifle or save the money
go to a training school or buy the insurance
care for your loved one or don't
hey, maybe they will never need an assisted living facility
or maybe they will never need around the clock care.

hmm. I suspect I got long winded...
I do hope I didn't offend... but it began to look clear that someone needed to remind you guys about prepping for this particular event.

[Lowdown3]

Boy this thread is popular huh? Who knew crap and crazy people would be so popular? :)

The relative wasn't familiar with various options and went off the recommendation of a doc they trusted- "once she gets to point such and such, take her to Nurse Crachet (sp) at such and such place." Trusting the doc and my uncle not really knowing what else to do, he followed the docs advice. This was after about 2 weeks of what he felt was some mild craziness at home- but didn't compare to what we saw with him at One Flew over the Cuckoos Nest place. He moved her a month or so back to a better place, not a state run/funded place as the "idjit" doc recommended. I haven't had a chance to drive down there to see the new place yet, but cousins have sent pics, etc. it's the difference between Disneyland and Rwanda IMO.

Like RR said, some evidently are crapholes of the worst degree, and some are nicer. I think the people there are the big variables. People in two ways-
1. The staff obviously. Nurse Crachet there at little Rwandan paradise that told my uncle "don't come here" and then the nurses that told him fictitious stories about things my Aunt was doing that was completely out of her nature, coupled with the "your stuck here" attitude. Now I know they get that "when can she go home?" question a couple thousand times daily from patients and family, but couple that with the duplicity, the unclean surroundings and the power trip from Crachet... Well I told her exactly what the hell that looks like from a business standpoint. Unfortunately most on that side of the family aren't confrontation types, they would have stayed away and not seen her for the time she was there, they would have cowed down to Crachet and groveled to see her. Screw that...... Be sure your not getting walked all over by power hungry state workers.

2. Then obviously the patients. Evidently at the new place their is some babblers, but others report no combative types seen.

It's a turd sandwich without the bread.... No doubt there. But family is family and I've driven cross country to help people I hadn't even met yet so I damn sure will do the same for people I actually care about.

The new place isn't far from the beach also, so we will go and stay a few days this next go around. A little "escape" from the confusion will help.

[rockriver]

it can be tough...
no doubt..
at one of the two locations *good ones" that I mentioned earlier, there was a financial issue..
they billed several hundred for something they shouldn't have... we have paper work and I was there when verbal occurred.
I pursued and got the bad attitude.. my associate found out and instructed me to drop it.
they were happy and didn't want to make waves.

I was contacted on a survey by the facility and gave a good report except for the financial issue...
again. patient asked me to back down.

two sides to this... 1. it is example of "facility feels they have the God power ld mentioned.

2. patient doesn't want to move. that is good... but doggonit..... "financial issues" are a bad indicator...
so we are watching that carefully.

it is part of prepping!

ld3, good luck and God bless you and family and situation!

[Rmplstlskn]

rmpl,
I do not understand all the comments about wanting to kill yourself... do you need to go get treatment for a head injury... you work in the medical field or something similar.. Go To the Doctor and get treatment.
and if you want to kill yourself --- do so! I don't think you should, but I don't live around you.

Holy Smokes, Batman... Talk about misunderstanding the context of a post...

Just never mind, don't really care to spend the time to explain using other words phrased differently... Moving on....

Rmpl