Baby Mommas in the PAW

[1Admin]

don't know how we got discussing this as it doesn't apply to my family, but it's something for all of us to consider. I guess we were reading those "Conflicted" what if card game cards on the way back from the Expo and this might have came up then.

So now a day a lot of people got "Baby Mommas" and "Baby Daddy's"- translation, not the original nuclear type family. Mom (or Pops) has the kids during the week, other parent sees them on the weekends or every other week, etc.

Some of this situations seem to be benign. Others seem to be downright hostile.

So TSHTF now what?

The first "ramboesque" answer usually involves a guy saying something to the extent of- "I'll go and take my kids by force and...."

REALLY? Baby Momma gonna sit by why you do that? Gonna do violence to their mother in front of the kids? I call a big BS on that. And if you were the type to do that, well.... your probably not going to survive long anyways. EXTREME EXTREME EXTREME circumstances aside...

So it's your "weekend" or whatever and the kid(s) are with you, hell maybe there is TWO or more Baby Mommas.... Now what? After the weekend the kids are asking where's Momma, take me home, Mom warned me about this said your crazy for doing all this....

Seriously, what is the answer here? I realize it's situational dependent and to an extent dependent on the personality issues- a highly toxic and combative Baby Momma or Baby Daddy probably would NOT be someone to take along. However it might be possible to integrate a less combative type. What about if he/she comes with another spouse/partner? What about if their is other non blood relation kids there also?

Anyone given this any thought? It doesn't really apply to me so honestly the only time I have thought about this was 15-20 years ago where my brothers were concerned.

[xdpatriot]

I don't have to worry about this either, thankfully. My wife and I did discuss it when we first discussed creating a MAG or 'group'. We were going to ask prospective members about their ex-spouses if they were divorced and how they would handle that in a SHTF scenario. Our major concern was the spouse showing up with their new spouse and the group member wanting to take them in. Very difficult situation. Something to ponder

[jimmycthemd]

I have thought about this but from different angles. As with all interpersonnal relations, every one will be different. I'd break it into the following dynamics (assuming you're taking them in):

1) You and your kids.
2) You and your ex.
3) You and your group (possibly including spouse/kids).

1) How much of a connection and/or obligation do you have with your kids? How much of a connection do they have to you?

2) How toxic (or not) is your relationship with your ex? Would the two of you being in the same group be detrimental to the kids and/or group?

3) How tightly are you integrated into the group. Are you a new member or have you been there for years (possibly a founding member)?

As far as the children, I would have to TRY to be objective and determine what is best for them....not me, my ex or the group. If getting them into the care of the group is what I feel is the best course of action, then I'd try to move on to the ex/group dynamics to do my best to do my best for the children.

Basically, IMHO, what's best for the children should ideally win out. I think the hardest thing is trying to objectively decide what is the best for them.

The hardest thing might be to have the kids/ex join the group and you have to leave for the sake of the childeren. If that were the case yes, I'd gladly sacrifice myself for the kids.

I know this is rambling, but it's the best I can do to put this into words at this point.

[Jeweltgirl]

My kids are older then what you may be talking about, but here is my 2 cents

I have thought about this for sometime. I am the only one that does the extended pantry.(So I tell you this for the reason I am about to type).

I have 2 teen girls,that live with us full time.
He has 2 teen boys that live with his ex full time. The oldest boy has autism and is a mommy's boy. She also has a 5yr with her new BF.

Don't get me wrong. I love kids but, his ex and I don't get along.

I told him the other night, (think I shocked him). If something does happen,this is the plan. We will go get the boys if they want to say with us. (the older with autism i dont think will come.) But as for your ex and her boyfriend and 5yr they are not welcome. I pointed out to him that he hunts and should be able to provide for them. Some my say this is wrong not to take the 5yr. I have no ties to the 5yr or his ex and her bf. I see the boys every weekend, so I see them as my family.

Just my 2 cents on this.

[Hiram]

This isn't an issue I have to deal with on a personal level as neither my wife nor I have any ex- anythings and we were not blessed with children. My brother on the other hand, who is also a sheep, has a wife with 4 grown kids from a previous marriage. I would take in my brother and his wife in a heartbeat, but I don't want her kids. While a couple have turned themselves around, the others have not that I have seen, and there is no way I could trust any of them in a desperate situation. I think when it comes down to it my brother and wife will find other accommodations because her kids aren't welcome.

[protus]

no ex's here.
but the topic did come up few years ago with our youngest nephews. the bf of the mom was a dork(to be nice)..loser really..but had got into zombie this,,zombie that..always talking how bad arse his AR was,,,buying guns left right..but not much else. the oldest kid would want to learn stuff(hes in cub scouts at the time)so..id give him generic survival type books ...fire starters or those 5 way whistle/match case things. he'd be all over it. the mom....we'll...lets just say she'd be helpful in some fashion or another (she was trying to learn how to can ,,bake from scratch etc..) even though the bf was to concerned about zeds and joints( think " duuuuude..)....kids were 1-7 yrs old.

i finally said shtf the kids could come..mom also( i could trade her for a goat) and the bf could pound sand..but more than likely a zed would get him hids 1st patrol out :)

yeah some tough guy jokes but honestly its not really a subject we have to worry about in our house hold.

[rockriver]

these same questions can apply to the nephew whose a doper and already causing trouble in the family.

[jimmycthemd]

these same questions can apply to the nephew whose a doper and already causing trouble in the family.

Have a 21yo son that kinda fits that description. Raised him right but can only do so much. Don't know if I could turn family away in an emergency situation. We've discussed it and I guess the answer depends on the nature of the emergency and his attitude at the time.

[rockriver]

here's my situation.
nephew lives a long way off usually.
nephew has some "supportive and enabling relatives" they live a long way off.
it is unlikely they will show up in the event of a disaster.
--
whether it is for this Christmas or following the shtf... nephew would be given a few cans of soup, and a qt of water, for his back pack, immediately upon showing up, and pointed down the road toward the closest big city, refugee camp, etc...
his enabling relatives would probably be offended and stomp off too... that would solve situation. they would the immediate sendoff.
--
if enablers wanted to stay they would be given tough work and be under close watch. (they are my relatives too) at first sign of attitude or slackness they would be given a couple of cans of soup and pointed down the road to closest big city, refugee camp, etc..

I would expect enablers to act up within 48 hours.

it is a shame because "enablers" have some skills that would be helpful.
but their attitudes are too dangerous.
rr

[creman]

I would have the ability and luxury of being objective because they are not my kids nor my ex. If they can live together civily, then there is no problem. If not I would treat it like any other group who is hostile towards each other and go from there. My wife and I don't even speak to any exs so this isn't something I'm concerned with. I don't know what I would do if I were in that situation, and it would be hard to guess without the feeling the emotions from it.

[610Alpha]

here's my situation.
nephew lives a long way off usually.
nephew has some "supportive and enabling relatives" they live a long way off.
it is unlikely they will show up in the event of a disaster.
--
whether it is for this Christmas or following the shtf... nephew would be given a few cans of soup, and a qt of water, for his back pack, immediately upon showing up, and pointed down the road toward the closest big city, refugee camp, etc...
his enabling relatives would probably be offended and stomp off too... that would solve situation. they would the immediate sendoff.
--
if enablers wanted to stay they would be given tough work and be under close watch. (they are my relatives too) at first sign of attitude or slackness they would be given a couple of cans of soup and pointed down the road to closest big city, refugee camp, etc..

I would expect enablers to act up within 48 hours.

it is a shame because "enablers" have some skills that would be helpful.
but their attitudes are too dangerous.
rr

My concern would be that they are so upset by being turned away they send the Goon squad to confiscate my stuff. I might consider blindfolding them driving them around for a few hours in country...dump them off with a few supplies and give them a topo map of the wrong area and let them figure it out. Of course this would mean that I would have to relocate to my BOL. I may have watched to many spy movies...oh well

[ryder]

Interesting thread. We have two grown kids off on their own in coastal large citys. If bad things happen quickly they have chosen their life.
In the last year we became legal guardians of a amazing 9 year old. We have spent considerable cash on a good lawyer and are almost done with taking away all parental rights from birth mom and dad. They were incredabialy harmfull to our kiddo and his two brothers and fortunately we were able to intervene and help save all three brothers.
My comment would therefore be to go after any kids you have a interest in right now and don't take no for a answer from flakey people or government agency's.

Also get real if you think you are going to be able to spend time and resources with troublesome people who could and will destroy you, yours and your safe shelter.

[tech]

... Also get real if you think you are going to be able to spend time and resources with troublesome people who could and will destroy you, yours and your safe shelter.

Very good thought. Most around here that go by "baby momma" or "baby daddy" are nothing but leeches on society to begin with and a PAW scenario is NOT going to suddenly turn them into responsible, trustworthy people. Plan to cut losses early and stick by that plan.