my "public" address

[rockriver]

we moved a while back to a smaller town.

a gov't employee gave out my address to an inquiring person
the inquirer then went to another gov't office and got my unlisted phone number.

sort of got me PO.
and i decided to go visit the two gov't folks.

i just typed my name into google. i haven't done this in a while.
sh__.
i'm not going to waste the gas or breath to discuss anything with the govt folks.

try it.. i suspect i was surprised because i just didn't realize how much info is "out there"
all sorts of relatives names popped up. the wife and i do not have fancy jobs that get our names in the newspapers... we've had unlisted phone for 30 years. sheesh...

privacy... nope

[1Admin]

PO box address goes a long ways.

Instead of raising cane with the gubmint types, try to softer approach- My wife was a school teacher in Atlanta, you know how bad things are getting there. She worked all year one year trying to get this boy some help in getting his grades up. The boy's family was all gang related. The boy has aspirations of going to the NFL and probably could have. He flunked that year because of the class he had with my wife. He got into drugs and the gang after that. He didn't blame himself for being lazy, he blamed my wife, threatened to kill her. We moved a while later. I can't run the risk of that....

Be kind of a tough one to pull off in a small town, but their is other angles also. Small town the last thing you want to do is piss off old Mable who has been the tax commissioner for 150 years... We all like to act like small towns in this state are all welcoming to outsiders, etc. but the reality coming from one that was an outsider is that they are not. People remember grudges 4 EVA! LOL. I remember sitting in my favorite tire and oil change place, good folks and I'm kind of a friend of the family there. Owner is very cool guy, never seen him get upset, etc. Black dude walks in about his age, asking about some used tires, "No ain't got none." Just heard him sell some other used tires a few minutes before. Body language, tone, etc. of the owner had changed also. Black guy acted all nice then left.

Owner says "that SOB stole my shoes in the 6th grade!" My eyes got huge, What? Says I.

"Yep, we were poor as hell too, I was proud of those shoes, my Dad busted his tail working and bought me those shoes so I could play football. He stole them out of my locker then wore them to school a few days later." He had held that grudge for 40, 50 years maybe? I told him he was my new hero! LOL

But think about that in the context of maybe some needed supplies, the only gas station in town that still has gas, etc.

Guys, I'll be blunt, there are people that really piss me off in business that I black list, not many and not lightly but there are some that just caused SO many problems that I said no flipping way will we deal with them again. Actually, just a few months back one of them emailed asking for a quote on a very specific piece of gear. I kinda recognized the name but it had been years ago. I ran the name by the wife saying "for some reason I don't remember this in a good light." She remembered most of it and her starting the story jogged my memory on the rest of it. Actually THREE times was he a problem. Three times we bent over backwards for him. Each of the three times as we bent over backwards he kicked my legs out from under me. Now he wanted a quote on something few in the this industry had. I responded with "are you in such and such state?" He replied yes. I didn't reply. I think he realized I remembered who he has, what kind of an arsehole he was to me and my family. He pushed the point on two separate emails that I first didn't respond to- "Are you going to get me that damn quote or not?" Was part of his 2nd email after a day of not hearing from me which equals- Me being polite and not saying "no you were a frickin jerk three times no way in hell I'm gonna deal with you again!" Finally when I realized he was going to keep emailing I simply said "no can't get a quote on that." I'm sure "dude" thought- "well I'm going to spend $6,000. with him so he better kiss my arse again." People get the "I OWN you" attitude going and then they end up on their butts wondering what went wrong or thinking I was the rude one. Negative, this isn't Walmart. This is a family business and if you treat my family like crap I'm not going to deal with. Treat me good I'll treat you even better, save you a helluva lot of money and help you out further.

Be careful in small towns and small circles- like the preparedness circles we all swim in. They are both pretty small and semi closed circles. Careful who you nut up to, you might need them tomorrow.

[prc-104]

small towns & long memories

Boy , ain't that the dang truth.

What both of you said rang some memory bells for me.

Both posts are very real.

/john

[rockriver]

great advice..
i know both folks who gave out info... i was going to be on my best behavior when i spoke with them...
and i'm absolutely sure, they thought they were doing me a favor!! to give out our info...

and we do have a po box... no mailbox at all.

but, in a small town folks know who bought the house that the smith's sold..
one of the "benefits" of living here!!
your story is right on.
we have been the beneficiary of several situations because it is a small town and folks DO try to look after others. i worked this area for years and got to know a bunch of folks before we moved here.
we changed our church afiliation to the local fellowship.
we've done some "public service" work for free.
we've swapped out labor with several folks and given labor/material.
we do business here. (when possible!)
we've made donations to the fire dept and sheriff's dept. i bragged to the
fire chief and sheriff and ems director about their employees (i already knew them)

ahh.. the benefits of small town!
nnnh the detriments of the internet!

rr

[1Admin]

Small towns- the most common questions-

1. What's your name? They don't really care about that part, but it's usually used in conjunction with or to triangulate on who you know, family names are a big deal.

2. Where do you go to church? Again, establishes connections, and of course you DO go to church right? Mainstream churchianity is a plus, lesser known churches are a neutral, fringe churches are a negative.

3. Where do you live? Give a kinda general area but be vague. They will know or think they know the area. Saying "we are deep in the woods where no one can find us" is bad. Saying "we got a great deal on some land in the middle of nowhere, it's kinda hard to describe or get to, but it was too good of a deal to pass up" sounds a little more palatable.

Two edged sword, you have to "fit in" to an extent but people can and WILL ask interloping type questions. If your evasive on your responses, hesitate, etc. it gets noticed. Keep in mind most people's attention span is about 3.7 seconds when listening to someone else talk. Over talk but talk about nothing, they will get bored, stop listening and their brain often feels like you answered the question but in reality you probably didn't. I'm dead serious, this works. It took several years for them to realize it, but a group of locals we interact with regularly said one time "you ever noticed with him that he answers your question but he doesn't really answer your question." Just means you gotta change tactics after that, LOL.

[Matt In Oklahoma]

I used to teach a class on this to our Officers and show them how easy it is to find them, relatives, address and phone #s. With the net it is just wayyy to easy and small towns are easier because everyone know everything. Its just a matter of time and finding the right person to tell you. The main thing is not to be doing stuff that makes you get looked for and accept that you will be found if they do so understand what you will do based on their intent

[rockriver]

lol.. no not loud, but curious.

ld,
wife being threatened... story..
let's talk about this at the campout..
we need to compare notes!
i don't recall telling our story!

rr

[MustangGal]

Small towns- the most common questions-

1. What's your name? They don't really care about that part, but it's usually used in conjunction with or to triangulate on who you know, family names are a big deal.

Another version of that is "Who are your people?" And you can't just answer, "The Smiths." They want to know if it the Smiths in the southern part of the county or the ones that live out by the river.

[rockriver]

mustang, ld3,
your comments about names and what family are you from are "right on"
this is a small county with names that go back generations.
and the idea/saying that
"the nut/fruit doesn't fall far from the tree" is generally true.

to use mustangs smith family... the smiths on the south side are church going, hard working, stay off welfare folks... they stay on the farm or hunt or fish, and they stay out of trouble, pay their bills, and help folks in trouble. if the shtf, they'll help you, and i'll help them.
the smiths on the nurth side however, are super friendly, but they must sit up at night figuring ways to steal your time, your machinery, or your daughters.
if the shtf, you don't want them around. don't turn your back to them.

rr

[MustangGal]

Both my husband and I are at least third generation residents of the county we live in - you don't get much more local than we are, I find myself trying to find out who people "belong to" - for exactly the reasons you stated. lol

[rockriver]

ok, you've given your name to this new associate.
what is the next question if you are about to do business?
--
it starts with a forward nod of the head.. the closest thing i can think of
is like a calf nudging his mama, when he wants to start the milk flowing, except it's done much slower.. and it's not milk the asker is after, it is information.
the words are "where ya from?" if it's not "where do you live?"
it's usually done in a friendly manner with a smile.
if it's said with the head leaning back, you understand real quick, the asker doesn't trust you, and this is your last chance to get off to a good start.
example me....
i was raised 200 miles from here... to tell folks my home county got a bad result.
i needed to do business with folks and i needed them to trust me, so we could move on.
so my answer became "my heritage (or family) is from xx county (which was only 50 miles away and on the good side of the state!) and my wife is from YY county (which was also 50 miles away, but a lot of folks here had connections in yy county) this was exactly true and easily said.

this response began to ease the situation. they knew they could check me out if they wanted to.
if the shtf, folks around here or in mustang's county are experienced people evaluators. a nomad will put someone on alert. and a liar, will raise hairs on the back of someone's neck.
the nomad or the forked tongue fella needn't be asking too many questions.
just the way we do things around here.