14 years

[Blowmax10]

Its been almost 14 years since I've seen my father - almost every year around the holidays I write a note to him trying to end the silence but I never send it.

I think this is the year that I really send the letter.


I'm writing this post for two reasons - #1 is to try and work up the courage to contact my father

#2 is to get my story out there so other people don't do the same thing that my family has done

I don't even know if my father is still alive - I had and older brother and a younger brother but lost contact with them when the family break up happened - its been even longer since I've spoken to them

Lucille Ball is quoted as saying "Id rather regret the things I've done then the things I haven't done" - I can't explain how much meaning that has in my family after 14 years of silence

[Elza]

By all means, try!

After the death of my mother my father re-married. New wife wanted absolutely nothing to do with us. My ‘lapdog’ father went along with her and we ceased to exist.

I tried many times in every way I could think of to remedy the situation. All to no avail. He died 10 years later. This was 13 years ago.

I was unsuccessful in my efforts but I made every attempt. But I did come through it with one thing: A clear conscience. I tried my best so the burden rests with him. Had I failed to try I would have carried the guilt with me for the rest of my life.

[rockriver]

2 excellent and open hearted posts.
took some bravery to open up to folks you don't know!
blowmax... i've got a feeling a few of the ole boys (and gals !) on this forum
will make this a prayer request.
i humbly suggest you put this year's note in the mail.

[Matt In Oklahoma]

Blowmax you dont leave stuff undone if you can help it. Make the leap then allow yourself peace with whatever comes either way. I prayed for you to find that peace

[RobertJ]

Blowmax please do this... and soon. My parents split up in 1984 I was in the 11th grade... My father was a piece of crap and will leave it at that. I never heard from him again. We moved from Pa. to Al. so mom could be with family and to restart life with 3 children and a fourth already out of home, me being the youngest. On 10, June 1996 Mom and I recieved a phone call from an uncle long unheard from. My father had passed and left notice he wanted us to be at the funeral. Mom was still bitter and refused to go. I went with a sad heart, I had an older friend who was beating me over my head to contact him for months before this happened. He had a similar situation with his father and did not want me to make the same mistakes he had. "contact him and be the bigger/better man, people change sometimes for the better somtimes for the worse" he said. You dont have to be best friends or father son status but just talk and feel things out. "he may be affraid just like you."
You cant fail unless you try... and if you dont try, well...
Im just asking you try before its to late, like it was for me.

[SCinPNW]

Family discord is a tragic thing to have in a family. My three older brothers are currently fighting with each other as they have been trying to run a business together and it is not working. Now they are barely speaking to each other. I am praying for reconciliation for you and your father, as well as peace for you.

SC

[brokedownbiker]

Do it !!! You only get one life- don't let past problems keep you from sharing your life with the ones you love.

I'll add you to my prayers.

[Karen]

I'll be praying for you to find the strength and courage to contact him. You need to do this to give yourself peace of mind. If you don't, you will always wonder "what if...?"

[sardog]

By all means, DO IT !!

I am in the same situation with my daughter. I call or e-mail every Christmas and birthday with little or no response but I still keep on doing it. I have an eight year old grandson that I would really like to get to know.

[Klayton]

CONTACT HIM NOW!!!

I didn't talk to my little brother for over 5 years because of a big fight.
He tried to contact me many times over those 5 years, leaving voice mails.
But stubborn as and *** me never returned the calls.

While stationed in that armpit known as Korea I got the worst phone call of my life.
My mother crying, a drunk driver killed my baby brother Ray...

I KICK MYSELF IN THE *** EVERY DEC.30 FOR NOT SAYING "I STILL LOVE YOU LITTLE BROTHER".

BTW, thats his birthday...

I miss you bro, I am so sorry!!

[Tinman]

I had sort of the same situation. Stupid teenage stuff and a few things that maybe we were both stubborn on. Didnt talk for like 8 years even though I lived no more than 3-4 miles away. One day I woke up, realized I was 25, he was 50 and neither one of us was getting any younger. Realized that everything we were fighting over didnt matter anymore. Also realized that if something happened, there would be regrets. Been doing good for 5 years now, talk almost every day. All that time was wasted for nothing, and there were plenty of times I needed another male voice in my life. Don't wait another day. Time and heartbeats are passing!!! Forgiveness and love, even if its just on your side, will do wonders for your soul and the relationship.

[Grinnan Barrett]

I don't know why it is so prevalent today but maybe it was always that way that families tend to break up and for some reason never get it together. My family broke up over 25 years ago when my brother stopped speaking to us. I tried to get him to at least come and see our mom when she was dying but he refused saying she could go to H. You can only do what you can do. You cannot change another persons heart. As long as you have given it your all then you should have no regrets. reach out but understand that you have done you best no matter what happens. GB

[claymore]

Go with your gut. Don't go overboard. Good luck, God bless.

[Bill Foster]

family

Wow, I must be a real cold-hearted person. I wrote my sister off about 23 years ago. She's a drama queen who would have caused trouble for my wife and I, so I told her to leave me alone, don't call and I took out a restraining order on her. The peace and quiet have been well worth it. Sorry if my opinions don't seem to fit here, but the separation has been helpful on my end.

[Matt In Oklahoma]

Wow, I must be a real cold-hearted person. I wrote my sister off about 23 years ago. She's a drama queen who would have caused trouble for my wife and I, so I told her to leave me alone, don't call and I took out a restraining order on her. The peace and quiet have been well worth it. Sorry if my opinions don't seem to fit here, but the separation has been helpful on my end.

Yep Bill there are those cases and i have one as well. But I am at peace as it sounds you are too. I think what he needs here is peace with the decision by reaching out and making that attempt. If it works, great if not well then he can be at peace as we are with the choice. With my person I waited years before reaching out and it was great for 6mths then went back to the way it was so it became a permanent deal for the ability to not expose my family to that kind of life. I do not regret it because that person could not bring my wife and children any happiness whatsoever therefor they needed to be eliminated from the equation. I am not angry with them, i hold no grudge nor harbor any ill will so my mind is clear. I just don't want them near us