when you die and funerals

[rockriver]

i'm not sure which forum is proper....

a friends grown son was buried today.
very prosperous and substantial family.
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lots of thoughts came to mind as i watched and listened.
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who would come to my (your) funeral if you died.
how would they dress?
would they show respect for you and your family?
if i lost my son would i handle it properly? what is proper?
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in paw - how will folks get buried? what have i done to prepare for that?
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who'll get my stuff? what have i done to make sure the right thing happens?
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have i raised my children so that they will honor me in death.
" so that their chances of dying untimely will be unlikely?
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will my family/friends feel confident that i know the Creator and King?
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now that this heir is gone...
anyway, you get the idea.. the what if has happened to this family in many areas.

[brokedownbiker]

I've been thinking on this subject lately; I started updating my will recently due to a change in 'relationship status'. I live far from most of my family (~2500 mile) and I doubt that they would be able to get here if anything happened to me. I'm still unsure about what will happen to my stuff, i.e. my estate if no one from the family makes it out here. Regardless of what my will states, if no one shows up, what happens then? I have a close longtime friend to act as my executor, I guess I will have to set it up so that it will revert to him as a last resort (a shame, he isn't a prepper or interested in my hobbies- guns, cars, motorcycles, etc.) so most of it will probably go to waste.

This subject warrants a lot of thought and planning but most people don't even want to discuss it, much less actively plan for it.

[jimmertoons]

As a parent who buried a 17-year old son 4+ years ago, let me saw that I was thankful that neither my wife nor died right there on the spot at the funeral. I could never have imagined such heartbreak. My thoughts go out to the surviving family.
The people that attended Jim's funeral ranged from elderly church people to high school classmates. Dress ranged from suits and ties to tee shirts and blue jeans. The mode of dress didn't matter. After all, funerals are for the living, not the dead. What mattered was that it showed us how many poeple cared about Jim, and about his family.
That being said, it has changed my priorities. I have little if any time for BS. None whatsoever. Tell me what you mean, mean what you say, and do what you promise. If not, don't bother to make excuses. It kind of comes down to the thought behind being prepared. We were not prepared for Jim's death. Now I do everything to keep my daughter safe, happy and well adjusted. Not that I coddle her, but help her with the self reliant mindset. She is also a survivor. When someone says that they will just come over to my house if TSHTF, I state that "I have already buried one child, I'll be damned if I will compromise my other child's chance of survival just because you didn't care enough for your own child to get ready." It may sound harsh, but that's tough. Like I said, my BS detector is set to high.
We have demanded that both sets of parents have arrangements made for their eventual death. My FIL is strickened with dementia, so most of the planning has fallen on my MIL's shoulders. My wife has 5 siblings. 3 haven't had anything to do with the process. 2 have been very involved. My wife has been active when possible, in a support role. Since we live 800+ miles away, she has left most of it to the 2 locals.
My parents are also 800 miles away, but they have taken care of the major planning. My sister lives with them, so she is the contact point. I don't expect much, as my folks are simple people, with simple needs.
After tshtf, I expect things to carry on much like the late 1800s, as that's where I expect us to fall. Local burials with pine boxes, no concrete vaults, very few cremations. Just simple affairs, with a few locals. Like I said, funerals are for the living, and most people will be awful busy just surviving.
Sorry this got long winded, but when a person suffers teotwawki like we have, he tends to develope some strong opinions, and these are worth just what you paid for them.

[Bill Foster]

I made the decision a few years ago to be cremated. I have made it clear that I don't want a funeral or a service. Save the money and have a party or big dinner if you wish to remember me. Then, go on. If the SHTF, and you know me, douse me with gas, and set me ablaze. Save the garden space for a garden. At holidays, the kids seem to visit with the relatives that have the biggest bucks. Even though I have spent my life helping others, I have little money now so I wouldn't have too many people visiting my grave if I had one. I'm not bitter about it, but I don't want "crocodile tears" shed at a funeral.

[bushrat]

This is something I think everyone needs to consider. My wife and I decided a long time ago there would be no funeral or memorial service for either of us. Just cremation. In the event of a long term crises I would be willing to be buried if she has the strength, otherwise, like the man already said, "douse me with gas, and set me ablaze."

[kappydell]

my spouse passed recently and requested cremation, no funeral, and notify family after job was done. find someone you can trust, or write a will and have a lawyer act as executor. he will do what you say, and then distribute any assets as required. i am using that plan myself, now that i don't wish to trouble anyone when i go. they will just get a check or package from a lawyer. yes, it will cost. that is what i have insurance for.

[jmc7104]

This is something I think everyone needs to consider. My wife and I decided a long time ago there would be no funeral or memorial service for either of us. Just cremation. In the event of a long term crises I would be willing to be buried if she has the strength, otherwise, like the man already said, "douse me with gas, and set me ablaze."

Likewise pre-planned and pre-paid

[WiseOwl]

I have told my wife and my brother, if I die, find the cheapest place to have me cremated (if not do it in the back yard) and take me to the Appalachians and pour me in the air, the water and the dirt. Take me home.

[miked2345]

Here's a tip for any vets.... I've known since I was in the service in the 70's that I could get free burial, being a vet. What I DIDN'T know is that a vet AND their spouse can both get free burial at a national cemetery.

We found out when my wife's parents both died at the same time a few years ago.
Her father was in the army for a couple years after WW2.
The guy who did the cremations told us about this benefit. We contacted a national cemetery
about 60 miles from us, who confirmed that this was correct. We had them buried there,
which was MUCH nicer than the local cemetery near their home.

Since finding out about this, my parents have chosen this option for themselves,
when the time comes. My wife and I also figure this is a good idea.

On the other hand..... If the SHTF, this may not be an option anymore...