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More on the groups discussion- what NOT to do...
This one was controversial when I published it over 3 years ago. I had just read a Ben Stein parody book about how not to do your finances and got the idea for this from that...
Blog 62
This is a PARODY and not to be taken seriously, but there are lessons here....
How NOT to be a Teammate copyright 2008
A PARODY, not to be taken seriously, but definitely something to LEARN FROM.
#1. Be too upfront- ask questions you have no right to ask. OPSEC is for sissies. Ask any question you want. Be sure to ask specific questions that don't even relate to you or your current status in the group. Forget that there might be security concerns and that you are making yourself look bad and casting doubt on yourself by even asking these questions!
#2. Make assumptions on things you don't know- Nobody is willing to tell you everything on Day 1? Just make assumptions! Sure it's o.k. for you to bring your worthless drunk redneck friends up to the team retreat, why not? Those directions to the BOL you begged for, print copies for all your sheeple family members, they'll be welcomed with open arms! Even if you don't have enough to feed your own family at the BOL, "invite" other worthless people you know!
#3. Borrow money from other teammates. Why not? I mean really, these folks are there for YOUR use right? When you do borrow money, be sure you take a real long time to pay it back or better yet, don't pay it back at all! Be sure also not to communicate any inability to repay the debt. Seriously, who wants to hear bad news? Just act like nothing happened and of course, if you can borrow more or from someone else, do so! By all means if you do owe a friend or teammate money, be sure to tell them how much money you blow partying every weekend or talk incessantly about whatever new trinket you just bought, that will impress them!
#4. By all means do NOT do what's expected of you. "Share the load? YEAH RIGHT! I do what I want!" Show up when you want to and don't show up when you have something more important to do like flossing your toes. If you absolutely "have" to come to something, be sure your either A. Late or B. Come with a piss poor attitude. Course their is always the "sorry your having a bad day honey. Guys I gotta leave I just talked to my wife and she said I had to come home" excuse. That will show folks you mean business and are serious about what your doing. In the same token, when YOU are ready to do something (or your wife finally "allows it") , try to get everyone else to bend to YOUR plans. No I couldn't make those sixteen group events, but when "I" want to do something, well Heaven and Earth better damn well move to make it happen!! When my WIFE says it's o.k. to do something, now it's time for everyone to get on board with it!!"
#5. Don't communicate with others. There is normally NO reason whatsoever to maintain any communications with other teammates. If you happen to stop coming regularly, by all means just don't contact anyone ever again. Of course you can assume that you'll be welcomed with open arms when TSHTF! When the time comes they will be overly happy- to the point of rejoicing- to see you. Remember, "Absence makes the heart fonder", they will pine over you when you aren't there. New people will recognize you even if they've never seen you and of course they WILL hold there fire when you approach to enter the BOL.
#6. Act the opposite way of whatever standard behavior the group has set. Kindness scmindness, it's all about YOU baby! Now there will be times when you can give away small trinkets and worthless junk you've accumulated in an effort to win friends, but by far and large if you just TELL people you are trustworthy, not selfish, kind and honorable they WILL believe you. I mean really, people are stupid right, if they keep hearing you tell them you would "give them the shirt off your back" eventually they will BELIEVE IT! Nobody remembers the idiot that said "actions speak louder than words" because it was an untrue saying!
#6A- The above #6 applies to your WIFE who isn't a part of the group also. EVERYONE will want to bend to HER AGENDA. Of course everyone would love to stop everything they are doing cause she is finally ready to do something! No one will see her attempts at manipulation or think less of you for being whipped!
#7. Never take your committment seriously. No matter that the committment to a survival group is almost as important as marriage. If it works out it does, if it don't, it don't. Hey, that's life baby. If I get around to coming and have nothing better to do, I will. If my wife "let's me" prep, I will. Hey, I'm here for the fun and for socializing! If I miss an opportunity for serious training just to go and socialize with a bunch of wanna-be's, who cares!
#8. Make sure your family IS NOT with you on preps. By all means, do NOT make any attempt to get your family involved with the rest of the group, even if other teammates families are involved. No sense in wasting there time preparing them for living with these people after TSHTF. They have too many more important things to do like holding down the couch at home, making sure they don't miss the latest episode of Big Brother or Desperate Housewives. In the rare instances that your family does come around the group, it will look really good for you if they make it very clear that they are "above" the other people. It's important for other teammates to know that your family wants no part in being around them! Also, it's very important that even though your spouse isn't involved, that he or she act like they are muiy importante to the group and that they always know better than people that have been doing this for decades. Nothing impresses other people like a new person coming in and telling you they know better than you do! This goes doubly for a spouse that's not even involved with the group! If your wife isn't involved and doesn't give a rip about preparing, be sure you build her up like she is an uber survivalist, a "doctor" when she isn't or otherwise super awesome. EVERYONE would love to her how much better she is than they are when they are trying and working hard and she is not even involved!!
#9. Don't keep up with your preps. Why did you join a group if you didn't plan on mooching off other people? Food storage? Who needs it! Your teammates have plenty of food storage, why bother buying your own? And I'm certainly sure they will be more than willing to loan you ammo, mags, spare parts, etc. No reason to do any further preps after you join a group! Your there to leech off of others right? Don't forget this axiom- ACTING POOR WHEN YOUR NOT AND ALWAYS HAVING YOUR HAND OUT impresses the hell out of people! Be the first one to always jump up and say "I'll take that!" when freebees come the way of the group. However, don't forget the importance of NOT sharing!
#10. Take your health for granted. I mean heck, why would you worry about that? There's a lot of other people in the group that will take care of you. Why take care of yourself now? Besides if your laid up in a bed because of health problems your poor lifestyle caused, you can't exactly fulfill #4 "don't share the load." No one will care that your lazy and always shierk your responsibilities. Above all, make absolutely sure you make NO attempt to EVER better yourself physically, mentally or spiritually!
#11. View the group as an "insurance policy." I mean really, who wants to devote an entire weekend once every few months to learning and working with these people! You could be doing more important things like drinking and partying all night, going boating during the day, playing rockstar with your garage band or obeying the whims of your dominant wife. A good excuse goes a long way here, don't worry people are stupid, they'll never figure out that your BS'ing them!
#12. Make sure you run your mouth about everything and anything you heard or saw when you are with the group. Trivial matters don't matter, heck who thinks anymore anyways? No one can deduce information and piece together a puzzle, that's rocket science! OPSEC SMOPSEC!
#13. When you don't get your way, act out like a child! After you've made a significant "scene" make sure you attempt to get others worked up about the situation even if they are not a part of it! Worse case scenario, say that everyone else is worked up about the situation even if they are not! Screw group unity, it's all about YOU baby! Your way or the highway! There is no "I" in team but there is "me!"
#14. Steal from another group member. I mean come on, prepping is expensive. If you can skim a bucket of lentils off another member, or 'find' a box of ammo that isn't yours, that saves you money right? They won't mind, besides you can always act stupid, that's a good fallback when your caught or busted in your lies!
#15. Be a cheapskate. By all means always do only the minimum but when you do, act like it's the biggest put out in the entire world. That way, no one ever asks you to do anything else! The flip side of this is always true too- that toilet paper you robbed from your work is worth hundreds of dollars because it was YOURS. If someone else brought some, it ain't worth nothing because YOU didn't bring it. That instructor who pays big money to go and learn stuff and teach you for free, screw buying him a meal or beer every so often, he should be honored that your even around!! Besides, more than likely your only interested in doing the minimum and you don't care if it shows, so who cares?
#16. Make committments your not willing to keep. I mean geez, this stuff takes energy, time and money, #11 is MUCH easier. I bet if you just "say" your going to be part of the team but actually don't DO anything towards it, that will be enough. Besides, teammates should be HONORED that they even know you.
#17. Become KNOWN as a liar. No one else takes this thing seriously so why should you? No quicker way to impress people and show them how "real world" you are by lying your butt off about everything and anything! Make it known to new people right off the bat that your unreliable and untrustworthy, by doing so, you'll make a great impression for the team!
#18. Act like the group will fall apart if you leave. Seriously, YOU are the main reason the group is what it is. Even if it's been a going concern for 20 years and you just joined last week, YOU are the important one. So you have no practical skills, don't keep up with your health/PT, your preps are old and moldy and your family won't bug out with you and you constantly cause problems among the group, none of that is important! All that's important is YOU. YOU are the group and it would cease functioning without an important person like you around!
#19. Be condescending! What's more important than showing people that you (think) you know more than them or are more skilled or intelligent than they are! Talk down to other teammates EVERY chance you can get! Don't take them aside to talk to them about issues, blurt it out in front of everyone all the time! Make for absolute sure you make them feel like idiots, that's the only way they are going to learn that you are better than they are! If you have or think you have a high intelligence, by all means make sure everyone knows that! Even if you have a thousand yard stare constantly going on and rode the short bus to school, make sure people think you are an uber smart guy or gal. Cover your insecurity by being demeaning to others, your spouse is usually a good place to start with this. It's not important WHAT you really are, what's important is what people THINK you are! It's all about image baby!!!
#20. Seek to control other teammates. Use #19 for all it's worth, no better way to get someone "beat down" and ready to follow you by telling them aren't worth toad spit! Maybe if they hang around you long enough some of that uber intelligence will diffuse onto them? Hey, your helping them right?
#21. Misuse items in your care. If you borrow your buddy's car and drain the fuel tank, by all means do NOT refill it! The basic rules for using someone else's car are as follows: 1. Never ever put gas in it. 2. Never lock it. 3. Always leave food and trash in there, preferably open and messy fast food. 4. Pay no attention to pesky warning lights, oil levels or other trivial maintenance issues! 5. If/when you break something in it, do NOT disclose it. This sort of thing applies to books, gear and prep supplies also. If your buddy loans you a new set of field gear, your best bet is to NEVER return it. However if you are stupid and insensitive enough to bring it back to him make sure it is in poor condition when you return it. Keep it simple and do the right thing- just do not return it!
#22. Criticise everything you weren't a part of! No better way to make you feel important like cutting someone else down! Say stupid crap like "What's the point of _____ (fill in the blank)" or "who did this work _____ (fill in the blank) hahaha." Of course if YOU did it or were a part of it, the outcome would be much different, but since you don't participate (see 4, 7, 11 and 15) it is obviously NOT up to snuff. YOU would always "do it right the first time." No matter that YOU have not accomplished anything in your life, it's all about putting others down so they don't notice that!
#23. Everybody loves "Monday morning quarterbacks!" By all means you need to do this! Tell them how they could have done everything better, from brushing there teeth to building there house, be sure you follow Rule 19 with this.
#24. Use the group. Surely everyone is "useful" in some respect. Maybe you can get some free or very low cost training? Forget these "schools" where you pay $200. a day, Joe will teach me for free if I just BS a little bit like I'm interested in there group. Maybe someone else will donate some gear to me or let me store things at the BOL so my wife will stop complaining about them cluttering up our house! Where there's a person, I will find something to use them for!
#25. Let your wife run your family. Who wants responsibility anyways? Responsibility sounds too much like the word WORK. Hey I can let my wife "handle" the finances and then beg her to "let me" buy a box of ammo with it. This works especially well if the wife is NOT a survivalist and does not understand the need to prep. Then you can tell your teammates all the time how the wife "let me" buy a roll of toilet paper, 2 shotgun shells, etc. They'll LOVE to hear how your whipped! It will just give them further confidence in you. Be sure to also cow down to your wife in front of your teammates. Nothing says "Here's a man I can trust to watch my back" like watching a grown man get balled out and controlled by there wife! And by all means, if your a whipped little puppy around your wife and subject to her constant sniping at you and manipulation techniques, EXPECT others to put up with that also! Hey you've probably been putting up with that so long you don't even recognize it anymore. Ignorance is bliss right? But make sure you expect others to cow down to her just as you have! You have to put up with her crap, why shouldn't they have to???
#26. Insist that YOUR way is the better way! Comfortity consmormity! You spent six months in the guard doing computer training and lived in the city all your life, that makes you an expert in homesteading! So what if you've never actually experienced any of these things, YOUR way is the best way. If your proven wrong, still continue to say that your way is the best way. By all means do NOT CONFORM to the rest of the group or SOP's set by the group, that would be just stupid! Remember, THEY NEED YOU and will not be able to go on without you- see #18.
#27. Be selfish. If you shoot a deer at a teammates property, make sure you do NOT offer them part of the meat. If you store something at there property, make sure you do not keep it maintained or check on it regularly. Every one loves eyesores around there land! To hell with buying that guy dinner that gives his time to train you, screw him! Find a great deal on mags, ammo, etc. be sure you do NOT contact any other team members to share that deal with them, that might be less for YOU!
#28. Come to events just to socialize. When it's time to work or sweat LEAVE! At the very least ask to discuss the work first, then waste an hour or so of time discussing how the best way to dig a hole is. Alway remember #26! It will impress other teammates if you waste hours of there time debating something really stupid! They will enjoy you wasting there time! And in the same token, YOU have just avoided doing any work!!! Maybe if you do this often enough, folks won't ask you to do anything! See, you kill two birds with one stone here! Keep debating stupid issues endlessley!
#29. If you ever are stupid enough to put money into "group" equipment be absolutely sure you follow the following rules: 1. First and foremost NEVER discuss the purchase with anyone else ahead of time. 2. Make a high priced purchase by first stating that you are doing it as a "donation" to the group. Later when your wife beats you down for spending some money, DEMAND repayment from other members. Who cares that they had no say in the original purchase! 3. Most importantly, even AFTER your paid back for the item make 110% sure you hang the purchase over other teamates heads! "Well if it wasn't for me we wouldn't have an AE system", that sort of thing. THAT will impress them and make them look up to you! 4. You'll further impress them by "lording" over them whatever the purchase was, being sure that YOU misuse the equipment openly in front of them but at the same time, denying there right to use it! Follow these 4 key steps and your on the road to impressing your teammates! There love for you will grow exponentially after this!!!!
#30. ALWAYS put yourself first! A family with less money needs something? SCREW EM! Having problems getting your spouse interested in group activities? No problem, bring some guy and his wife along that aren't really interested in doing this just so your wife can have someone else to hold the couch down with! Never forget! It's ALL ABOUT YOU BABY! Team smeam! Who gives a rats butt that your actions are potentially endangering the rest of the group, as long as YOU get what YOU want, who gives a damn about anyone else! Just say "I'm not interested in that" when it comes to learning something new. Everyone else is used to stopping for dinner at 6? Screw them you ain't bending for anyone! Everyone else wants to go to a gunshow, that isn't what YOU want to do! And it's ALL ABOUT YOU BABY! I mean don't these folks get it yet that the world revolves around YOU and your agenda?
This is a PARODY and not to be taken seriously. It should however, give us ALL something to reflect on and "check ourselves" on. If we SAY we want to be part of a survival group and act in any of these ways, our attitudes and behavior are definitely not matching up with our speech. Scripture says a "double minded man is unstable in all his ways." Food for thought.
Blog 62
This is a PARODY and not to be taken seriously, but there are lessons here....
How NOT to be a Teammate copyright 2008
A PARODY, not to be taken seriously, but definitely something to LEARN FROM.
#1. Be too upfront- ask questions you have no right to ask. OPSEC is for sissies. Ask any question you want. Be sure to ask specific questions that don't even relate to you or your current status in the group. Forget that there might be security concerns and that you are making yourself look bad and casting doubt on yourself by even asking these questions!
#2. Make assumptions on things you don't know- Nobody is willing to tell you everything on Day 1? Just make assumptions! Sure it's o.k. for you to bring your worthless drunk redneck friends up to the team retreat, why not? Those directions to the BOL you begged for, print copies for all your sheeple family members, they'll be welcomed with open arms! Even if you don't have enough to feed your own family at the BOL, "invite" other worthless people you know!
#3. Borrow money from other teammates. Why not? I mean really, these folks are there for YOUR use right? When you do borrow money, be sure you take a real long time to pay it back or better yet, don't pay it back at all! Be sure also not to communicate any inability to repay the debt. Seriously, who wants to hear bad news? Just act like nothing happened and of course, if you can borrow more or from someone else, do so! By all means if you do owe a friend or teammate money, be sure to tell them how much money you blow partying every weekend or talk incessantly about whatever new trinket you just bought, that will impress them!
#4. By all means do NOT do what's expected of you. "Share the load? YEAH RIGHT! I do what I want!" Show up when you want to and don't show up when you have something more important to do like flossing your toes. If you absolutely "have" to come to something, be sure your either A. Late or B. Come with a piss poor attitude. Course their is always the "sorry your having a bad day honey. Guys I gotta leave I just talked to my wife and she said I had to come home" excuse. That will show folks you mean business and are serious about what your doing. In the same token, when YOU are ready to do something (or your wife finally "allows it") , try to get everyone else to bend to YOUR plans. No I couldn't make those sixteen group events, but when "I" want to do something, well Heaven and Earth better damn well move to make it happen!! When my WIFE says it's o.k. to do something, now it's time for everyone to get on board with it!!"
#5. Don't communicate with others. There is normally NO reason whatsoever to maintain any communications with other teammates. If you happen to stop coming regularly, by all means just don't contact anyone ever again. Of course you can assume that you'll be welcomed with open arms when TSHTF! When the time comes they will be overly happy- to the point of rejoicing- to see you. Remember, "Absence makes the heart fonder", they will pine over you when you aren't there. New people will recognize you even if they've never seen you and of course they WILL hold there fire when you approach to enter the BOL.
#6. Act the opposite way of whatever standard behavior the group has set. Kindness scmindness, it's all about YOU baby! Now there will be times when you can give away small trinkets and worthless junk you've accumulated in an effort to win friends, but by far and large if you just TELL people you are trustworthy, not selfish, kind and honorable they WILL believe you. I mean really, people are stupid right, if they keep hearing you tell them you would "give them the shirt off your back" eventually they will BELIEVE IT! Nobody remembers the idiot that said "actions speak louder than words" because it was an untrue saying!
#6A- The above #6 applies to your WIFE who isn't a part of the group also. EVERYONE will want to bend to HER AGENDA. Of course everyone would love to stop everything they are doing cause she is finally ready to do something! No one will see her attempts at manipulation or think less of you for being whipped!
#7. Never take your committment seriously. No matter that the committment to a survival group is almost as important as marriage. If it works out it does, if it don't, it don't. Hey, that's life baby. If I get around to coming and have nothing better to do, I will. If my wife "let's me" prep, I will. Hey, I'm here for the fun and for socializing! If I miss an opportunity for serious training just to go and socialize with a bunch of wanna-be's, who cares!
#8. Make sure your family IS NOT with you on preps. By all means, do NOT make any attempt to get your family involved with the rest of the group, even if other teammates families are involved. No sense in wasting there time preparing them for living with these people after TSHTF. They have too many more important things to do like holding down the couch at home, making sure they don't miss the latest episode of Big Brother or Desperate Housewives. In the rare instances that your family does come around the group, it will look really good for you if they make it very clear that they are "above" the other people. It's important for other teammates to know that your family wants no part in being around them! Also, it's very important that even though your spouse isn't involved, that he or she act like they are muiy importante to the group and that they always know better than people that have been doing this for decades. Nothing impresses other people like a new person coming in and telling you they know better than you do! This goes doubly for a spouse that's not even involved with the group! If your wife isn't involved and doesn't give a rip about preparing, be sure you build her up like she is an uber survivalist, a "doctor" when she isn't or otherwise super awesome. EVERYONE would love to her how much better she is than they are when they are trying and working hard and she is not even involved!!
#9. Don't keep up with your preps. Why did you join a group if you didn't plan on mooching off other people? Food storage? Who needs it! Your teammates have plenty of food storage, why bother buying your own? And I'm certainly sure they will be more than willing to loan you ammo, mags, spare parts, etc. No reason to do any further preps after you join a group! Your there to leech off of others right? Don't forget this axiom- ACTING POOR WHEN YOUR NOT AND ALWAYS HAVING YOUR HAND OUT impresses the hell out of people! Be the first one to always jump up and say "I'll take that!" when freebees come the way of the group. However, don't forget the importance of NOT sharing!
#10. Take your health for granted. I mean heck, why would you worry about that? There's a lot of other people in the group that will take care of you. Why take care of yourself now? Besides if your laid up in a bed because of health problems your poor lifestyle caused, you can't exactly fulfill #4 "don't share the load." No one will care that your lazy and always shierk your responsibilities. Above all, make absolutely sure you make NO attempt to EVER better yourself physically, mentally or spiritually!
#11. View the group as an "insurance policy." I mean really, who wants to devote an entire weekend once every few months to learning and working with these people! You could be doing more important things like drinking and partying all night, going boating during the day, playing rockstar with your garage band or obeying the whims of your dominant wife. A good excuse goes a long way here, don't worry people are stupid, they'll never figure out that your BS'ing them!
#12. Make sure you run your mouth about everything and anything you heard or saw when you are with the group. Trivial matters don't matter, heck who thinks anymore anyways? No one can deduce information and piece together a puzzle, that's rocket science! OPSEC SMOPSEC!
#13. When you don't get your way, act out like a child! After you've made a significant "scene" make sure you attempt to get others worked up about the situation even if they are not a part of it! Worse case scenario, say that everyone else is worked up about the situation even if they are not! Screw group unity, it's all about YOU baby! Your way or the highway! There is no "I" in team but there is "me!"
#14. Steal from another group member. I mean come on, prepping is expensive. If you can skim a bucket of lentils off another member, or 'find' a box of ammo that isn't yours, that saves you money right? They won't mind, besides you can always act stupid, that's a good fallback when your caught or busted in your lies!
#15. Be a cheapskate. By all means always do only the minimum but when you do, act like it's the biggest put out in the entire world. That way, no one ever asks you to do anything else! The flip side of this is always true too- that toilet paper you robbed from your work is worth hundreds of dollars because it was YOURS. If someone else brought some, it ain't worth nothing because YOU didn't bring it. That instructor who pays big money to go and learn stuff and teach you for free, screw buying him a meal or beer every so often, he should be honored that your even around!! Besides, more than likely your only interested in doing the minimum and you don't care if it shows, so who cares?
#16. Make committments your not willing to keep. I mean geez, this stuff takes energy, time and money, #11 is MUCH easier. I bet if you just "say" your going to be part of the team but actually don't DO anything towards it, that will be enough. Besides, teammates should be HONORED that they even know you.
#17. Become KNOWN as a liar. No one else takes this thing seriously so why should you? No quicker way to impress people and show them how "real world" you are by lying your butt off about everything and anything! Make it known to new people right off the bat that your unreliable and untrustworthy, by doing so, you'll make a great impression for the team!
#18. Act like the group will fall apart if you leave. Seriously, YOU are the main reason the group is what it is. Even if it's been a going concern for 20 years and you just joined last week, YOU are the important one. So you have no practical skills, don't keep up with your health/PT, your preps are old and moldy and your family won't bug out with you and you constantly cause problems among the group, none of that is important! All that's important is YOU. YOU are the group and it would cease functioning without an important person like you around!
#19. Be condescending! What's more important than showing people that you (think) you know more than them or are more skilled or intelligent than they are! Talk down to other teammates EVERY chance you can get! Don't take them aside to talk to them about issues, blurt it out in front of everyone all the time! Make for absolute sure you make them feel like idiots, that's the only way they are going to learn that you are better than they are! If you have or think you have a high intelligence, by all means make sure everyone knows that! Even if you have a thousand yard stare constantly going on and rode the short bus to school, make sure people think you are an uber smart guy or gal. Cover your insecurity by being demeaning to others, your spouse is usually a good place to start with this. It's not important WHAT you really are, what's important is what people THINK you are! It's all about image baby!!!
#20. Seek to control other teammates. Use #19 for all it's worth, no better way to get someone "beat down" and ready to follow you by telling them aren't worth toad spit! Maybe if they hang around you long enough some of that uber intelligence will diffuse onto them? Hey, your helping them right?
#21. Misuse items in your care. If you borrow your buddy's car and drain the fuel tank, by all means do NOT refill it! The basic rules for using someone else's car are as follows: 1. Never ever put gas in it. 2. Never lock it. 3. Always leave food and trash in there, preferably open and messy fast food. 4. Pay no attention to pesky warning lights, oil levels or other trivial maintenance issues! 5. If/when you break something in it, do NOT disclose it. This sort of thing applies to books, gear and prep supplies also. If your buddy loans you a new set of field gear, your best bet is to NEVER return it. However if you are stupid and insensitive enough to bring it back to him make sure it is in poor condition when you return it. Keep it simple and do the right thing- just do not return it!
#22. Criticise everything you weren't a part of! No better way to make you feel important like cutting someone else down! Say stupid crap like "What's the point of _____ (fill in the blank)" or "who did this work _____ (fill in the blank) hahaha." Of course if YOU did it or were a part of it, the outcome would be much different, but since you don't participate (see 4, 7, 11 and 15) it is obviously NOT up to snuff. YOU would always "do it right the first time." No matter that YOU have not accomplished anything in your life, it's all about putting others down so they don't notice that!
#23. Everybody loves "Monday morning quarterbacks!" By all means you need to do this! Tell them how they could have done everything better, from brushing there teeth to building there house, be sure you follow Rule 19 with this.
#24. Use the group. Surely everyone is "useful" in some respect. Maybe you can get some free or very low cost training? Forget these "schools" where you pay $200. a day, Joe will teach me for free if I just BS a little bit like I'm interested in there group. Maybe someone else will donate some gear to me or let me store things at the BOL so my wife will stop complaining about them cluttering up our house! Where there's a person, I will find something to use them for!
#25. Let your wife run your family. Who wants responsibility anyways? Responsibility sounds too much like the word WORK. Hey I can let my wife "handle" the finances and then beg her to "let me" buy a box of ammo with it. This works especially well if the wife is NOT a survivalist and does not understand the need to prep. Then you can tell your teammates all the time how the wife "let me" buy a roll of toilet paper, 2 shotgun shells, etc. They'll LOVE to hear how your whipped! It will just give them further confidence in you. Be sure to also cow down to your wife in front of your teammates. Nothing says "Here's a man I can trust to watch my back" like watching a grown man get balled out and controlled by there wife! And by all means, if your a whipped little puppy around your wife and subject to her constant sniping at you and manipulation techniques, EXPECT others to put up with that also! Hey you've probably been putting up with that so long you don't even recognize it anymore. Ignorance is bliss right? But make sure you expect others to cow down to her just as you have! You have to put up with her crap, why shouldn't they have to???
#26. Insist that YOUR way is the better way! Comfortity consmormity! You spent six months in the guard doing computer training and lived in the city all your life, that makes you an expert in homesteading! So what if you've never actually experienced any of these things, YOUR way is the best way. If your proven wrong, still continue to say that your way is the best way. By all means do NOT CONFORM to the rest of the group or SOP's set by the group, that would be just stupid! Remember, THEY NEED YOU and will not be able to go on without you- see #18.
#27. Be selfish. If you shoot a deer at a teammates property, make sure you do NOT offer them part of the meat. If you store something at there property, make sure you do not keep it maintained or check on it regularly. Every one loves eyesores around there land! To hell with buying that guy dinner that gives his time to train you, screw him! Find a great deal on mags, ammo, etc. be sure you do NOT contact any other team members to share that deal with them, that might be less for YOU!
#28. Come to events just to socialize. When it's time to work or sweat LEAVE! At the very least ask to discuss the work first, then waste an hour or so of time discussing how the best way to dig a hole is. Alway remember #26! It will impress other teammates if you waste hours of there time debating something really stupid! They will enjoy you wasting there time! And in the same token, YOU have just avoided doing any work!!! Maybe if you do this often enough, folks won't ask you to do anything! See, you kill two birds with one stone here! Keep debating stupid issues endlessley!
#29. If you ever are stupid enough to put money into "group" equipment be absolutely sure you follow the following rules: 1. First and foremost NEVER discuss the purchase with anyone else ahead of time. 2. Make a high priced purchase by first stating that you are doing it as a "donation" to the group. Later when your wife beats you down for spending some money, DEMAND repayment from other members. Who cares that they had no say in the original purchase! 3. Most importantly, even AFTER your paid back for the item make 110% sure you hang the purchase over other teamates heads! "Well if it wasn't for me we wouldn't have an AE system", that sort of thing. THAT will impress them and make them look up to you! 4. You'll further impress them by "lording" over them whatever the purchase was, being sure that YOU misuse the equipment openly in front of them but at the same time, denying there right to use it! Follow these 4 key steps and your on the road to impressing your teammates! There love for you will grow exponentially after this!!!!
#30. ALWAYS put yourself first! A family with less money needs something? SCREW EM! Having problems getting your spouse interested in group activities? No problem, bring some guy and his wife along that aren't really interested in doing this just so your wife can have someone else to hold the couch down with! Never forget! It's ALL ABOUT YOU BABY! Team smeam! Who gives a rats butt that your actions are potentially endangering the rest of the group, as long as YOU get what YOU want, who gives a damn about anyone else! Just say "I'm not interested in that" when it comes to learning something new. Everyone else is used to stopping for dinner at 6? Screw them you ain't bending for anyone! Everyone else wants to go to a gunshow, that isn't what YOU want to do! And it's ALL ABOUT YOU BABY! I mean don't these folks get it yet that the world revolves around YOU and your agenda?
This is a PARODY and not to be taken seriously. It should however, give us ALL something to reflect on and "check ourselves" on. If we SAY we want to be part of a survival group and act in any of these ways, our attitudes and behavior are definitely not matching up with our speech. Scripture says a "double minded man is unstable in all his ways." Food for thought.
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